See Span Run

AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY OFFENDER
July 19 - July 26, 2002

• NEW!!! The Ted Williams Cloning Experiment Gone A Wry

• The Most Irrelevant Figure for June!

• Check it Out -- The Eddie and the Cruisers of Comedy!

• The 100 Most Irrelevant Figures of the 20th Century

• LAST YEAR ON THIS DATE... "WNBA Ticket Scalper Reflects On Career Choice"

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September 11, 2001

What the Critics Are Saying About See Span Run:


"... a cutthroat look at current issues... The writing is clever and worth checking out."
               --NBCi 


"Political Site of the Day!"
               --Aboutpolitics.com


"A total piece of shit!"
       --Sharon H. Devinney,
          Cyberspace Surfer

Bald Man Says He's "Sick Of All The Bullshit" 

A bald 42-year-old Madrid man who began losing his hair when he was 18 says he's "sick of all the bullshit," and may consider purchasing a hairpiece or possibly even undergoing a hair transplant.  "It seems like every time I go for a walk to try and get my mind off my hair loss, some raging bull charges over me and spears me in the ass," complained Herbivore Santana.  Apparently, the bulls aren't fooled even on occasions when Santana wears a hat in public; one day, while he was donning a massive sombrero, a 300 pound bull tiptoed quietly out of a china shop and then stormed toward him, virtually trampling him and knocking him several dozen feet into a nearby ravine.  Said Santana: "I've been putting up with this bullshit for almost 25 years and I'm fed up..."    

Sponge Bob Rescued From Blaze

The actor who plays the cartoon character Sponge Bob was airlifted to safety yesterday after being trapped inside his burning bungalow near Hollywood.  Los Angeles fire department officials say that 34-year-old I.M. Soaking fell asleep with a lit cigarette in his hand and woke up to find his house in flames.  Soaking was not seriously injured and hopes to return to the popular children's television show next week...

Street Percussionist Ponders New Gimmick 

A naked street percussionist in Seattle became disillusioned last week when no fewer than one hundred pedestrians passed by the corner where he was playing the congas without leaving any money in the man's hat.  The man, who goes by the name Raw Hide, says he began playing the congas and other percussion instruments in the nude when he discovered that passersby were more likely to notice him.  After several months, though, the attention waned considerably, a fact that was confirmed by one regular pedestrian, James Gibson.  "Like, when I first saw this guy, like, sitting there in the buff, beating away on his congas I thought, 'Hmm, now that's something you don't see every day!'  But after awhile you just kind of forget he's, like, naked, and you just keep on walkin'..."  Among the possible new wardrobe gimmicks Raw Hide is considering: a sheep herder's outfit, a graduation cap and gown, and a wrongful injury attorney's suit...