On This Date...

August 5, 1996
RACE
for the
CURE

Dole Goes for No. 2

Word on the street has it that Bob Dole will announce his choice for Vice President this weekend... Inside sources tell us that Dole has tapped Rafael Ruiz, one of the composers of the new dance craze "Macarena," for the No. 2 slot... It's a good thing we don't elect presidents the same way we elect Miss America, for the swimsuit competition would be truly grueling.  Given Clinton's fetish for jogging and Dole's fondness for the treadmill, the television media should seriously consider invoking the "Elvis Policy by televising the candidates only from the waist up... After weeks of intense investigation into the FBI files debacle, nobody seems to be able to determine who actually hired ousted White House security head Craig Livingstone.  The only thing investigators have been able to uncover is that Livingstone is apparently one of Roseanne's former husbands...

Last Week's News | Cloning Experiments Gone A Wry | Question of the Week | Presidential Race 2000 | Y2K Countdown | The Empire State Building Strikes Back | Presidents on Viagra | On This Date | About Sue D. Nim | Missing LInks | Vent Here

Note: All of the material contained in this web site is the intellectual property of Caster Publications and "See Span Run." Any unauthorized use of this material for purposes of commerce is strictly prohibited. Violators shall be prosecuted to the fullest extent of the law, or forced to spend a weekend at Jack Kevorkian's time-share vacation home in the former Yugoslavia.