See Span Run

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July 12 - July 19, 2002

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September 11, 2001

What the Critics Are Saying About See Span Run:


"... a cutthroat look at current issues... The writing is clever and worth checking out."
               --NBCi 


"Political Site of the Day!"
               --Aboutpolitics.com


"A total piece of shit!"
       --Sharon H. Devinney,
          Cyberspace Surfer

Pale Jacko Claims Record Industry is Racist 

After over fifteen years of bleaching his skin white, self-described "King of Pop" Michael Jackson held a press conference with the credible Rev. Al Sharpton last week to angrily denounce Sony Records for its "racist treatment" of black artists.  Jackson, who once paid a young boy's family $14 million not to file suit against Jackson for allegedly molesting the child, apparently is miffed as to why Sony hasn't invested millions more of its money into promoting his recent records, which critics say sadly lack the creative force of his earlier recordings.  Jackson claims he's been so despondent about his career that he's been seriously considering joining the priesthood, preferably under Cardinal Bernard Law in Boston...

Mediocre Yankees Outfielder Offers To Sell His DNA To Ted Williams' Son 

New York Yankees backup outfielder Shane Spencer has offered to sell his DNA to the son of baseball legend Ted Williams, who passed away last Friday.  "Hey, I got no problem with someone trying to clone me," said Spencer.  "In fact, some would say I already have been cloned, if you consider that 75 percent of the players in baseball are hitting .246 or lower and making over a million bucks a year..." Williams' son, John Henry Williams, is reportedly giving Spencer's proposal some "serious consideration..." (See "Cloning Experiments Gone A Wry" For More Details)

Donald Sutherland Reportedly "Excited" About Becoming A Bride 

Actor Donald Sutherland said he's "thrilled" and "excited" about finally becoming a bride, a Hollywood gossip magazine reported today.  Sutherland, who is strictly heterosexual and who has starred in such films as Animal House and The Pelican Brief, said playing the role of a bride in his upcoming film The Ugly Dame is an "unprecedented challenge" for him.  Universal Pictures officials will not say who will play the role of the groom, but did reveal a crucial part of the movie's plot:  the yet-to-be-identified groom will apparently have second thoughts on his wedding day, much to the dismay of Sutherland's character...

Gary Coleman Discovered in Pile of Quicksand

Former television actor Gary Coleman was discovered alive and well in a giant pit of quicksand last week, and early indications are he will still be able to go ahead with his plans to fight another former child star, Webster, on Fox TV's Celebrity Boxing.  "At first it was like, 'Wow, I'm stuck in quicksand!'" said Coleman, as an emotionless reporter took notes.  "And then it was like, 'Oh shit, how am I ever gonna get outta here!'  But then it was like, 'Hey, man, I kinda like it here!'"