See Span Run
AN EQUAL
OPPORTUNITY OFFENDER
November 11 - November 18, 2004
This Week's Headline You Might Have Missed:
The media has NO INFLUENCE over how people vote.
BRAND NEW!!! The Most Irrelevant Figure(s) or Event(s) for November
ALSO...
Cloning Experiments Gone A Wry!
The Most Irrelevant Figure(s) for 2003!!!
LAST WEEK:
"Moore
Refuses To Eat Crow; Opts For Buffet Instead"
LAST
YEAR:
"Anti-SPAM
Software Used Penis Reduction Messages To Counter Unwanted E-mail"
RIP: Rodney Dangerfield
"I
had a cousin who was gay. He was so disappointed when he went
to London and found out Big Ben was a clock."
The 100 Most Irrelevant Figures of the 20th Century
September 11, 2001
What the
Critics Are Saying About See Span Run:
"... a cutthroat look at current issues... The writing is clever and
worth checking out."
--NBCi
"Political Site of the Day!"
--Aboutpolitics.com
"A total piece of shit!"
--Sharon H. Devinney,
Cyberspace Surfer
Thousands of anti-civil war demonstrators took to the streets of Washington, D.C. Friday to protest the growing sentiment among disheartened Democrats that the best strategy for coping with the loss to President Bush in the recent election is to secede from the union. "We saw what happened the last time there was a secession," said Miles Getty, a protester whose great-great-great-great-great grandfather was killed in the Battle of Bull Run. "We can't afford to send our men and women into a war that will cost thousands upon thousands of American lives." Other protesters were more vocal in their opposition. One man held up a sign that said, "No Blood For Oily Hair." Another sign read: "No War For Halle Berry." A third sign was even more to the point: "No Wonder You People Never Win Any Elections..."
Moore Announces Fahrenheit Sequel; DNC Hires Hit Man
In response to Michael Moore's announcement that he plans to begin work on a sequel to Fahrenheit 911, the Democratic National Committee has hired Bruno DiChinzo, a long-time Mafia hitman, to assassinate the overweight and overbearing filmmaker. "Given that Fahrenheit 911 probably helped President Bush get re-elected, a sequel will only hurt our chances of reclaiming the White House in 2008," said Ike Umminsecond, a spokesman for the DNC. "We felt we needed to stop this from happening as quick as possible, so we hired one of the most accomplished snipers of all time. We feel Bruno will be an outstanding addition to our organization, and look forward to the day that he comes home in his old pickup truck with that ol' fat ass draped over his shoulder..."
Israeli School Bus Drivers Mourn Arafat's Death
School bus drivers all over Israel continued to grieve over the passing of Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat, who died last week. One driver, a man who identified himself simply as "Josh," said, "Some people might see his death as a chance for peace, but I for one will miss him and that picnic table cloth he always wore over his head." Another bus driver suggested that Arafat made life interesting for the people who worked in his profession. "You never knew if your bus was going to be 'the one,'" said the man, who combed reporters with a metal detector as he spoke. "Sure, he engineered the slaughter of lots of children and innocent people, but do you know how boring driving a school bus can be? I rather enjoyed the excitement of having Arafat around to unexpectedly order hits on innocent civilians minding their own business." Although virtually all of the bus drivers interviewed said they would miss Arafat to some extent, they were equally unanimous when asked whether or not they wanted to see another supporter of terrorism emerge as head of the Palestinians: "What, are you f__-ing nuts?"
Priceless!
Dick Fitzgerald Honda
Just Ask For Dick!
Sodee Pretzel Rods
They're
Straight Delicious!
If You See An Opening, Go For It!
At
Lenscrafters
We Can't Guarantee
Miracles
Bob Dole Has A Bone To Pick With You!
The Eddie & the Cruisers of Comedy!
Martha is
Back!
Weekdays at 4 on
The Prison Channel
