See Span Run
AN EQUAL
OPPORTUNITY OFFENDER
November 18 - November 25, 2004
This Week's Topic: What Do YOU Think Of All The Monday Night Football Fuss?
NEW!!! The Most Irrelevant Figure(s) or Event(s) for November
ALSO...
Cloning Experiments Gone A Wry!
The Most Irrelevant Figure(s) for 2003!!!
LAST WEEK:
"Anti
Civil War Activists Protest Democrats Plans To Secede"
LAST
YEAR:
"ACLU
Praises New Boy Scouts of America Leader"
RIP: Rodney Dangerfield
"I
went to the doctor and told him my teeth were turning yellow.
He told me to wear a brown neck tie."
The 100 Most Irrelevant Figures of the 20th Century
September 11, 2001
What the
Critics Are Saying About See Span Run:
"... a cutthroat look at current issues... The writing is clever and
worth checking out."
--NBCi
"Political Site of the Day!"
--Aboutpolitics.com
"A total piece of shit!"
--Sharon H. Devinney,
Cyberspace Surfer
Terrell Owens has no problems shaking pesky defensive backs, but he just can't seem to avoid sexy blondes. The Philadelphia Eagles All-Pro receiver, who has been caught up in a storm of controversy surrounding his sexually-implicit promotional skit with Desperate Housewives star Nicollette Sheridan prior to last week's Monday Night Football telecast on ABC, was propositioned before practice yesterday by another blonde bombshell -- 87-year-old Phyllis Diller who, like Sheridan, was clad only in a towel. The outcome of this encounter was a little different from the one that preceded the Monday night game, however. Once Diller dropped her towel, Owens ran like a late 19th century sharecropper who'd just seen the ghost of Robert E. Lee... Owens, who set a new world record in the sprint, later denied his impulsive reaction was an insult to Ms. Diller, saying, "You know, for an old lady she's held up pretty well..."
Visitors To New Clinton Library Complain Books Are Wet
The new William Jefferson Clinton Presidential Library has been open for only a few days and already some visitors are griping because many of the books are wet and the pages are "stuck together." Officials with the library blame the dampness on a "leaky roof," which was exposed during the opening ceremonies last Thursday, when a steady rain drenched Presidents Clinton, Bush, Carter, and Bush as well as most of the 30,000 people in attendance. "We were all feeling very good about everything during the ceremony. It was a very unified moment," said Mary Bust, one of the library's curators. "But then we walked in and there it was -- drip, drip, drip. Leaky roof. Soaked books. Sticky pages. Insurance claims." Fortunately, most of the damage was done to the reading materials in the infamous "scandal" alcove, so the cost is expected to be minimal as Clinton can easily re-type many of those documents himself...
GOP Introduces Legislation To Save Delay's Ass
GOP congressional leaders today unveiled new legislation to save House Majority Leader Tom Delay's ass. The congressman's ass has been endangered ever since a group of his associates were indicted in an alleged scheme to make illegal campaign contributions through a political action committee affiliated with the Texas Republican. Last week, GOP congressional leaders stunned observers by changing the House rules to ensure that Delay will hold onto his leadership post even if he is indicted himself. "We are doing everything we can to save Tom's ass," said one of the bill's co-sponsors, Rep. Seymour Fraud. "But it's a big ass, and everyone is well aware that it's a difficult challenge to protect an ass that big." When asked about his ass, Delay said, "Still got it. Still use it," before refusing to answer any more questions...
Priceless!
Dick Fitzgerald Honda
Just Ask For Dick!
Sodee Pretzel Rods
They're
Straight Delicious!
If You See An Opening, Go For It!
At
Lenscrafters
We Can't Guarantee
Miracles
Bob Dole Has A Bone To Pick With You!
The Eddie & the Cruisers of Comedy!
Martha is
Back!
Weekdays at 4 on
The Prison Channel
