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See Span Run
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Sacre Bleu! Socialism
Does Work
With Paris's suburbs burning in the
distance, French President Jacques Chirac held a hastily arranged
press conference in Paris yesterday to announce a new color-coded
terror warning system for the country, even though he stressed that
it was "only a coincidence" that most of the rioters currently
torching the country's cities were young Muslims...
Meanwhile, other French officials attempted to divert unwanted public attention away from the riots by holding high-profile talks at the United Nations focusing on why the Iraq war was such a bad idea and how awful it is that poor black Americans were trapped in New Orleans for a few days after Hurricane Katrina flooded the city... Two Carolina Panthers Arrested For Having Sex In Restroom
Two Carolina Panthers football players, following the lead of two cheerleaders who have since been kicked off the team, were arrested in a Tampa nightclub last night after patrons complained the two were having sex in one of the bathroom stalls. The witness, Stan Dengo, said he was waiting to go to the bathroom - "number two" as he put it -- when he heard commotion inside one of the bathroom stalls. "Yep, these two beefy guys were... uh... you know," said Mr. Dengo. "I was going to rat on them, but then I remembered that with the cheerleaders, the lady who ratted on them got punched in the eye. I certainly didn't want that to happen to me!" However, then the two players -- who each weigh close to 300 pounds -- suddenly became stuck in the stall, and once Mr. Dengo realized that neither man was a threat to him, he began dancing and jumping up and down, singing, "Faggots... faggots..." Bush Fears Low Poll Numbers Will Hurt Re-election Chances
For the first time, President Bush is showing some concern over his persistently low poll numbers, and advisors close to him admit that he is now wondering if he can ever win re-election at the pace he's going. "I've talked at length with the president about this subject, and it's weighing on him, it definitely is." Meanwhile, a new poll shows a majority of Americans wish John Kerry had defeated Bush a year ago. So, while we really can't turn back the clock and do the election over (like many Democrats seem to think), the editorial staff here at See Span Run will attempt to grant Americans this wish by showing corrected headlines beginning with just after the election in November 2004... starting with this edition: Greenpeace Activists Fined For Damaging Reef
I swear I didn't make this up...
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Lenscrafters Bob Dole Has A Bone To Pick With You! The Eddie & the Cruisers of Comedy!
Martha is
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