See Span Run

AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY OFFENDER
February 3 - February 10, 2006 
 

The same critics who have been accusing President Bush of acting unilaterally and rushing into war with Iraq are now saying he is engaging in too much European diplomacy while allowing Iran to build up its nuclear weapons program.  "This president has single-handedly set back our relations with our European allies by fifty years with his thumbing of the nose at the United Nations and his unilateral decision to storm into Iraq, despite questionable intelligence about whether or not Saddam had weapons of mass destruction," snarled former vice president Al Gore, loser to Bush in the 2000 presidential election but gainer of fifty pounds since that razor-tight campaign.  Gore added, "America has never had a lower standing among its allies in the world, and it truly shows in the way we are uselessly working together to try and convince Iran about not pursuing its nuclear ambitions."  Another outspoken Bush critic, Senator John Kerry, loser to Bush in the 2004 election and, most recently, in the fight to prevent Justice Samuel Alito's nomination to the Supreme Court, was also disdainful about the president's policies.  "While the president fumbles around with the likes of France and Germany in trying to find some sort of delusional diplomatic solution to the Iran problem, the Iranians are busy enriching uranium, and if we don't intervene militarily soon, they'll have a nuke in a matter of months."  The roomful of journalists grew quiet at that moment, and the 2008 presidential hopeful's voice began to trail off as he realized what he had just advocated...

Another Republican Congressional Boehner

The House Republicans have a Boehner leading the way now, after Ohio congressman John Boehner was elected House majority leader, replacing exiled Representative Tom Delay.  Former House speaker Newt Gingrich at one time had Boehner working for him while he was running the House, and Gingrich recalls that it was a quite pleasant experience, if somewhat embarrassing.  "Having that Boehner going, I had to stay chained to my desk all the time," said Gingrich.  "It was really hard."  GOP strategists say that it will be real hard  for House Democrats to work with Boehner as well, although some Senate Democrats like Edward Kennedy say nothing is too hard these days...

Bush Tells Bono He Talks Like Shrek

After a lengthy and impassioned plea from U2 front man Bono to donate 1 percent of the United States' annual budget to help the world's poor, President Bush told the singer, "Anyone ever tell you you sound like Shrek?"  Bono was reportedly so incensed by Bush's apparent lack of interest in his cause that he headed down to a local Irish pub, where he knocked back several pints of Guinness and got into an intense arm-wrestling match with former Senator Jessie Helms... 

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