See Span Run
AN EQUAL
OPPORTUNITY OFFENDER
February 14 - February 24, 2006
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BRAND NEW! The Most Irrelevant Person, Place or Thing for February 2006!
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Sean Hannity: The Latest Cloning Experiment Gone A Wry
ALSO...
LAST WEEK:
"Cartoon
Rioters Torch Warner Bros Studios"
LAST
YEAR:
"Rice,
After First Visit To France, Describes Meeting With Chirac"
Click On The TV And Check Out A "See Span Run" Flashback To LAST YEAR At This Time...
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"A total piece of shit!"
--Sharon H. Devinney,
Cyberspace Surfer
Vice President Dick Cheney has been tapped to play the role
of Elmer Fudd in the new Warner Bros movie "Bugs &
Friends," Variety Magazine is reporting. Cheney, an avid
hunter with questionable aim, did not actually audition for the part
and was initially unreceptive to the offer. But then the
studio upped their offer from $750,000 to $1.3 million, and also
promised him a love scene with the gorgeous actress Halle Burton,
which
eventually led Cheney to change his mind. The scene between
Cheney and Burton, which includes several seconds of full nudity, is
destined to spark controversy. In the scene, Elmer Fudd
(Cheney) has Bugs in his crosshairs when, out of the corner of his
eye, he sees a mysterious women dressed in practically nothing
(Burton) leaning up against a nearby tree, with a look in her eye
that practically begs him to "take her." Fudd is so distracted
that he fires erratically, striking former Vice President Dan
Quayle in the buttocks. With Quayle
screaming
in pain and hopping up and down in the background, Fudd drops the
gun and approaches Burton, and the two begin a furious ten-minute
session of love making, just the way nature intended. Right as
the tryst is about to reach its, er, climax, the Park Service shows
up and a ranger issues Fudd a citation, ignoring the beautiful naked
women, writhing and moaning in near ecstasy underneath him.
Fudd thanks the Ranger and then resumes drilling for oil with Halle
Burton. In the meantime, paramedics arrive on the scene and
Quayle is whisked away to have the bullet removed from his butt.
The scene
concludes
when Bugs begins taunting Fudd from a far, yelling: "Aaaaaa...
what's up, doc? Aaaaaa - on second thought, maybe I don't
really wanna know the answer to dat question..."
Cheney Applies For Job At Postal
Service
The White House is busy trying to quell another controversy after several news outlets reported that Vice President Dick Cheney apparently applied for a job with the U.S. Postal Service recently. "Look," said White House spokesman Scott McClellan, "three years go by in a hurry, and in three years the Vice President will be looking for a new job. He's served in the House of Representatives. He's served in the Senate. He's been Secretary of Defense. And he's been in the private sector. Now, he simply wants to see how the other half live, before they open fire on their co-workers..."
Man Wounded By Cheney Still Waiting To Be Rescued
In a scene eerily reminiscent of the days following Hurricane Katrina, Harry Whittington, the man injured when accidentally shot by Vice President Dick Cheney, continues to lay in the woods in pain while Cheney and others place numerous phone calls to the Federal Emergency Management Administration, who keep telling everybody that "this is not in their jurisdiction..."
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