See Span Run

AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY OFFENDER
April 10 - April 17, 2006 
 

President Bush's poll numbers continue to drop in the wake of all the criticism he's received for his administration's slow response to Whitney Houston.  A recent Zogby-Gatsby-Wall St-Inquirer-Apples-n-Oranges poll shows that only 36 percent of Americans approve of the job Bush is doing as president, and a whopping 60 percent disapprove.  "We need real leadership in Washington, especially when the bathroom counter of one of pop's biggest stars is littered with so much drug paraphernalia," said I.M. Observant of the watchdog group Hear Evil, See Evil.  "Whitney Houston has been a disaster in the making for years - even more so than the levees of New Orleans - and what has the president done about it?  Nothing!"  When asked whether he wished John Kerry had been elected president instead, Mr. Observant replied, "Well, let's not get carried away..."

Cheney's First Pitch Strikes Hunting Buddy

Vice President Dick Cheney threw out the first pitch at the Washington Nationals home opener last week, and his errant toss plunked hunting pal Harry Whittington in the temple, sending the 70-something Whittington right back to the hospital.  Immediately after hitting Whittington, Cheney - who has obviously learned a valuable PR lesson from the fallout from his hunting accident in February - immediately held an on-camera interview with WHIC in Hildago, Texas.  "Gotta get out in front of the situation," Cheney was heard mumbling to himself.  Whittington, meanwhile, issued the following statement from his hospital bed, where he awaited the results of an MRI:  "Although I value and appreciate the long friendship I've had with Dick Cheney, I've realized in the past few hours that it's time I started finding new friends.  I'm sure that Dick will understand."

Immigration News: Congress Nears Passage of "Right To Clean House" Legislation

Criticized by all sides for their inability to enact some kind of meaningful immigration reform, Congress finally cleared away most of the stumbling blocks and now looks ready to pass the "Right to Clean House Act," observers on Capitol Hill reported today.  Dozens of members from both houses of Congress gathered on the steps of the Capitol to hold a press conference praising the proposed new law.  "'The Right to Clean House Act' is the single most important piece of civil rights legislation since the Civil Rights Act of 1964," said Massachusetts Senator Edward Kennedy, who has five Mexican immigrants who clean his house.  Democrats weren't the only ones singing the proposed new law's praises.  "This Act will show that we are a country that not only enforces our borders, but also recognizes the great contributions to our economy that immigrants provide," said Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, who has three El Salvadorian immigrants who tidy up his beach house in Florida.  However, the self-congratulatory atmosphere changed and the congressional gathering dissipated entirely after one reporter asked what appears to have been a sensitive question: "Do American voters also have the right to clean house?"

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