See Span Run

AN EQUAL OPPORTUNITY OFFENDER

August 5, 2006
 

A SPECIAL ANNIVERSARY NOTE:

 It has been said that every year of a human life is equal to seven years of a dog's life.  If that is the case, then "See Span Run" is not celebrating its 10th anniversary, but instead its 70th anniversary (and has yet to figure out that damn drug prescription plan!).  Back on August 5, 1996, "See Span Run" made its debut on-line with a simple column that heaved ridicule on the dull presidential campaign that was in full swing between Bill Clinton and Bob Dole.  Since the day that column slipped unnoticed into the blogosphere, Clinton was re-elected, impeached by the House, acquitted by the Senate, and finished out his term.  After Bill rode off into the sunset, Hillary emerged from her husband's shadow to stage a successful run for the open Senate seat in New York, a first step in her quest for the ultimate prize, the presidency.  Meanwhile, the son of another former president, George W. Bush, rode into the White House on the heels of the most controversial election in American history, one which left what appears to be a permanent and bitter split among the American public along ideological and political lines.  And then, September 11, 2001 happened - and indeed it did happen, despite the behavior of many to the contrary - and the U.S. has been engaged in a difficult struggle against global terrorism ever since.  Bush narrowly won re-election two years ago, but since has seen his standing in the polls drop considerably as the Iraq struggle dragged on and "The Big One" finally hit New Orleans  (Katrina - why are all the big ones always named after women?). 

Through it all, "See Span Run" has evolved into more of a multi-media forum on politics and pop culture, but has continued along the "low road" as one of the longest-running satirical sites on the web.  Below, one click of the mouse will take you to that first little column, and soon the entire collection of "See Span Run" essays will be available in a published journal entitled "See Span Run, 1996-2006: Ten Years of Insights, Insults, and Insanity" which you can purchase for a very reasonable sum.

See Span Run
 The First Column
August 6, 1996

President Bush, asked recently in an interview about what he really thinks about Hezbollah, reportedly gave journalists a big chuckle when he responded, "Well, you know, I'm a red-blooded man like everyone else, and I enjoy watching Hezbollahs in action...  I've seen several videos with some pretty steamy Hezbollah scenes... But even though I like watching them, I wouldn't want my daughters to become one."  Pausing to reflect for a moment, the president continued: "I can't imagine how Dick Cheney feels..."

Mel Gibson Agrees To Appear on "Dr. Phil"

Having seen his first two attempts at apologizing fall flat in the court of public opinion, embattled actor/director Mel Gibson is making a third attempt at explaining his inexplicable behavior last week by appearing on The Dr. Phil Show.  According to TV critics who've seen excerpts from the program, Dr. Phil is reportedly pretty hard on old Mel.  "Do you not see what the consequence of your words has on people?" Phil reportedly scolds Gibson after the Hollywood hunk tries yet again to explain his anti-semitic remarks.  "Now, I have to tell ya, Mel," continues Phil, "You were selfish to drink all that booze that night.  You were selfish to get in that car and drive away.  And when the police pulled you over, you were selfish when you blamed the Jews for all the wars of the world!" Finally, after growing weary of the host's patronizing tone, Gibson drops the contrite act and says to Phil, "Well, I may be selfish, but at least I have hair..."

Bush Uses Baby As Human Shield

President Bush was accused of stooping to the tactics of terrorists this week when he held up a small infant as a shield at a recent press conference when the questioning got too tough.  The tactic backfired, however, when the infant, not used to American presidents using him as a human shield, cried out, "I want my Hezbollah!"

As Heat Wave Engulfs U.S., Gore Scolds His Fellow Countrymen:  "See, I Told Ya."

When asked to comment on the scorching temperatures that have brutalized the country recently, former vice president Al Gore sighed, shook his head and tisked audibly before responding, "Some would say that this is nothing but a hot summer.  Of course, the science simply doesn't back that up at all.  These heat waves are getting worse and worse, and it's all because of climate change."  Too bad Al won't look into making a permanent continent change...

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