See Span Run
AN EQUAL
OPPORTUNITY OFFENDER
September 1, 2006
See Span Run
The
First Column
August
6, 1996
BRAND NEW! The Most Irrelevant Person, Place or Thing for September 2006!
American Idol's
Kevin: The Latest Cloning Experiment
Gone A Wry
LAST EDITION:
"Everyone
Likes A Little Pussy"
ONE YEAR AGO IN THE NEWS:
"Man
Who Let Own House Burn Down Blames Homeowners Association"
"See Span Run TV" is Temporarily Off-Line
What the
Critics Are Saying About See Span Run:
"... a cutthroat look at current issues... The writing is clever and
worth checking out."
--NBCi
"Political Site of the Day!"
--Aboutpolitics.com
"A total piece of shit!"
--Sharon H. Devinney,
Cyberspace Surfer
CNN's
Kyra Phillips will be reporting more frequently "on
location" in the future, according to a producer with the cable
network who says that the
snooty news anchor with the "handsome husband" and "control freak
sister-in-law" actually received "rave reviews" for her recent
broadcast from inside a women's restroom. "At first, we
were like, 'Oh God - it's gonna be Naked Gun jokes from here
on!!!," said CNN's Terry Rist Annabler, who produced
Phillips' "bathroom" segment. "But people liked the honesty
and forth righteousness that came across during that broadcast.
It was almost like reality TV." Phillips, meanwhile, issued
this statement: "It's a good thing they eventually turned off
the mic - then they really would have witnessed a smear
campaign..."
His 15 Minutes Up, Former JonBenet Suspect Contemplates Growing Back The Mullet
Unsuccessful in his attempt to gain worldwide notoriety as the killer of JonBenet Ramsey, creepy ex-suspect John Mark Karr is said to be giving serious consideration to growing back the horrific mullet that he wore back in the days before he trolled the internet looking for child porn. "John of course is disappointed in the DA's decision not to charge him in the case," Karr's attorney, Gary Mason, told reporters with a straight face. "He truly was looking forward to becoming one of the most revolting men in America. However, by growing back his mullet, John feels he still has an excellent chance to achieve that goal..." In the meantime, Karr remains in a California prison on charges stemming from a 2001 child pornography arrest, and prison officials have repeatedly denied his request to listen to the Greatest Hits compilation CD of the 80's group Tears For Fears...
PhotoShop Also Used On Ned Beatty
In the latest allegation involving a media outlet that has manipulated photographs to better fit their agenda, E! television has been accused of doctoring a photograph of actor Ned Beatty to make him appear more chiseled than he really is. But unlike Reuters and CBS, who accepted the blame and took serious steps to punish the photographers who manipulated the pictures, a spokesman for E! appears to be in denial about the situation. "More muscular? What are you talking about?" said the spokesperson, Sammy Starstruck, who was clearly on the defensive. "He's the same guy who was crawling around the woods on his hands and knees in Deliverance, making pig sounds. He hasn't changed a bit..." When asked what he thought of the brouhaha, Beatty snorted and walked over near the goats...
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Bob Dole Has A Bone To Pick With You!
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Back!
Weekdays at 4 on
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